The Power of Questions – Part 1
As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’ve found myself as a student again. I recently completed the 5 Voices Leadership Certification through GiANT Worldwide and I’m a few weeks from completing my first course through the Professional Christian Coaching Institute. I’ve learned a lot… but especially about the power of questions.Unlike mentoring, discipleship, and consulting, coaching is distinct in that it removes the dynamic of you being the expert who arrives with the answer and instead allows the client to truly have an advocate who can ask questions to help them become their best self. Even if you have no interest in becoming a coach, some of the principles can make every relationship you have that much better.Here are 3 tools to help you help the people you care about…
1. Come without an agenda.Most of the time, we approach an intentional conversation with a strong opinion, and we intend to share it. If we’re the parent or spouse, we make sure we do! Subjects like how someone should spend their money, what job they should take, whom they should date, what subject they should study, etc, are all areas we seem to specialize in. Rarely are we absent of predetermined opinions. But what would it look like to come to a conversation with an open mind and be completely focused on someone’s best interests?
2. Come with curiosity.So often, we all get overwhelmed. Too many choices can cause us to freeze. Too much weighing on a decision can cause paralysis. Thinking the way we’ve always thought can keep us in a rut. Maybe try entering a conversation with curiosity to help your friend or family member truly explore all the ways God might want them to look at their situation. A few questions to cause them to look at their situation from a different angle can be extremely powerful.
3. Come trusting the Holy Spirit.There’s absolutely a role for disciplers and mentors in this world – I pray I’m one of them every day I walk on this planet. But how many times has someone given you unwise counsel because they thought they had to have an answer or because you asked their opinion? It happens all the time. To ask questions rather than give advice allows someone to get outside of their head, declutter their own thoughts, and provide space for them to hear from the Holy Spirit for themselves. On a recent coaching call, the person I was coaching was trying to discern if they should look for another job. A simple question prompted them to realize the Lord may be keeping her there to work on some forgiveness issues. I had no knowledge of the relational dynamics, but God did.
Having never had a business or life coach before, I really had little context for how effective coaching can be. In our class, I’ve been the client on several occasions. It’s as I brought a topic to discuss that I’ve been most awakened to the impact of someone pulling thoughts from me. There’s power in having someone to help you process. I’ve often found the Lord had already given me the answer, but I needed the help of a focused conversation with someone who had no personal agenda to help me see God’s direction clearly. May you be that source of curious encouragement to the people you love.