Who's Your Favorite Child?

Annika recently asked me, "Who's your favorite child?" I told her I didn't have one. She wasn’t satisfied with that answer, so she pressed again. "You must have a favorite." When repeating myself still didn’t satisfy her, I decided that asking a question might end this awkward topic of conversation.I said, "Do you have a favorite parent?" To my surprise, she replied with a very specific answer. Annika declared that if Chris and I ever divorced, she would live with me because she needed me more. (No worries, she won't have to follow through on this!) "BUT... if one of you had to die,” she explained, "I think dad should be the one to live because the church needs him more." Out of the mouths of teens.[bctt tweet="Does the Bible say anything about a parent having a favorite child?"]The topic of favorites has also come up in my priority time in multiple situations recently. I’m actually surprised how much Scripture talks about a parent having a favorite child. It’s such a taboo topic. At the same time, if you could get a parent alone and completely honest, all of us have had a thought in that direction.Rebekah loved Jacob more than Esau. Isaac preferred the more macho Esau over Jacob. The result? Tragedy and conflict. Check out Genesis 27-28. Just a generation later, we see how Jacob repeated the same pattern with his beloved Joseph. The result? Another war among siblings. My takeaway: Our preference leads to problems.So, how should we as parents handle this unspoken possibility? First, I think it’s important to acknowledge that the possibility exists. In our home, there are times when it’s easier for me to love a child who’s wired more like me. Annika and I think alike. Most of the time, this makes the relationship easier. It’s healthy at an appropriate age to acknowledge that different family members are wired differently, but that doesn’t give us permission as parents to use this as our excuse.On the other hand, there are times when I see things in Annika that are flaws I also carry. We often dislike in others what we fear in ourselves. As a parent, having this awareness of why we have certain feelings can help us normalize them and then be proactive to balance them.[bctt tweet="We often dislike in others what we fear in ourselves."]If your child is very different from you, you must ask the Lord to help you appreciate your child's strengths. You need to be intentional to verbally affirm them. Mark is social. For many years, this was a negative in a classroom. He didn’t need negativity from me after a day full of awareness that his strengths weren’t seen as strengths. He needed us to guide him as to how to honor his teachers, but he also needed us to affirm that those gifts have a place.If you’re married, this is also where you help each other. There are days (and seasons) when parenting is very hard. It’s easy to see the problems and not the positive qualities of your child. There have been times when Chris and I have had conversations about the positive qualities of our kids simply to remind ourselves in order to help us persevere. Maybe you’ve been there, too?In hindsight, I can't overemphasize how important it is for you that you affirm good qualities in your child while they’re struggling. And they likely need to be reminded, too. Not all gifts are strengths in a child. Mercy is terrific in a six year old. But leadership and prophecy don't go over so well on the playground. Many of our children will grow into their gifts. It’s our job to help them navigate the journey and build the character to use their gifts for God's glory.As time has passed, I now treasure some of the gifts in Mark and Annika that used to drive me crazy. I’ve also come to accept that there are certain ways we will always be different... which can actually be a great thing.Is it possible for one child to be easier to love in a given season? Yes. Is it our calling as parents to move past our ease and press on to loving each of our children in a way that they know they’re loved as much as their siblings? Absolutely.[bctt tweet="Is it possible for one child to be easier to love in a given season?"]