Approach Trumps Content

While I can try all day long, there are some gifts that my husband has that do not reside in my body! One specific strength that he has and seems to have passed on to my daughter is a high relational IQ. Both Chris and Annika possess an uncanny ability to assess relational dynamics. From a one-on-one conversation to a small group setting, those two walk in as if they have a whole set of senses beyond the regular 5 we are given. Some of it is just gifting, but I have tried over the years to also learn principles that will help me become more effective in relating to people. The most frequent principle that we refer to in our home is the concept that “Approach Trumps Content.” Originally from the mouth of Andy Stanley, this is a mantra in the Conlee household!As a parent, a friend, a leader, a mentor, and a wife, there are so many conversations that we have every day. In each conversation, there is the opportunity to build loyalty and trust or to weaken the relationship. We want to be authentic, but authenticity requires us to be honest. Leadership requires us to be honest. Parenting requires us to be honest. How can we be used to sharpen one another if we avoid all difficult conversations? At the same time, how are we to “love one another” and “encourage one another” as Scripture directs if we are walking around spouting truth without it being couched in love? This is where “Approach Trumps Content.”Today we will tackle the first 2 of 4 areas for you to consider your approach:

1. In parentingHave you ever noticed that you and your spouse may have a very similar conversation with your child, but the child’s response is very different towards you and your husband? The different response may be the result of a different approach. Do you come across demanding and irritated? Do you assume the worst? The very same directions and expectations can be given to a child with an approach that either encourages obedience or stimulates exasperation. “Pick up this mess” or “Please make sure that you have picked up this area before going in the other room” communicate the same thing, but give the hearer an opportunity to obey without feeling criticized.

2. In the workplaceFrequently, there is that one person that you just don’t see eye to eye with on most subjects. If we aren’t careful, we move to a place of assuming the worst about them. Sometimes these are habits and responses that have become engrained patterns over the years. Often, however, it is just a symptom of some struggle under the surface. Perhaps the approach requires you to slow down and ask some questions to see how the person is doing. “I’ve noticed you don’t seem to be yourself lately; how are you doing?” is often a better way to start a conversation than with a list of where they are underachieving. If we forget that they are more than just their job, they will sense the indifference. If we approach them with compassion, they will often be much more receptive to receive our correction.

I would love to hear where your approach helped you deliver content in a winsome way.